i have a stomach ache and it has nothing to do with how much dinner i had and how late it was (a lot, and really late), or shark week, and has everything to do with the fact that facebook just alerted me to another message that was sent to me 3 hours ago from the woman my dad used to live with and has messaged me about his problems before, expecting me to do something about it.
here’s the thing: i don’t have any collateral over him. the only thing that i have in which to hurt him is myself. and i don’t know if i can fucking take it if i say “i’m never speaking to you again unless you stop drinking” and he doesn’t do it. what if i’m not enough? what if nothing or no one is? i don’t have any money, i don’t have anything of his, i don’t have any power except myself. and i don’t think i could take it.
